Romantic deal-breakers

1. Bukowski fans

2. Will Ferrell fans

3. Liked the movie Garden State or Little Miss Sunshine. No, I'm not doing that annoying hipster thing of looking down on anything too popular; I'll cop to liking the other stereotypical favorites of my demographic, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Unfortunately, to date, I have never met anyone who disliked Garden State or Little Miss Sunshine!

4. Being anything less than a paragon of egalitarianism

5. Bigotry of any other stripe. That includes classists, so fuck you bigoted assholes who list "not having traveled outside the U.S." as a deal-breaker!

6. Using your liberal political affiliation or laughably transparent, faux social consciousness as a personal identity in a tribalistic sense, or as a source of smug self-satisfaction/moral superiority (see above!)

7. Little concern for health practices; having an STD

8. I love Richard Dawkins, but any of his superfans that worship him as much as fundies worship the sky fairy can beat it.

Deal-breakers for both potential boyfriends and potential friends of any sex.

1. Having ever typed "squeee!"

2. Throwing perfectly good things away instead of donating them

3. Keeping a Livejournal or Diaryland, unless you're Ginmar

4. Cooing over high heels, belly button rings, and other forms of tacky apparel; liking Victoria's Secret

5. Anime considered a major interest

6. White people who "go tanning"; spray tans

7. Watches a lot of TV/has bad taste in TV-mostly stupid melodramas like The O.C.

8. Any interest in celebrities (e.g., reads magazines like US Weekly or sites like The Superficial)